Monday, March 13, 2017

And...One More Issue

As we continue on, let everyone remember that no two cases of any disease or injury or condition are the same.

So, I had my period.  It had been fourteen months since that had happened.  That could only mean one thing.  More potential issues.  I had to call the OBGYN.  I didn't want to do that.  I thought that I was all done with that stuff.  I had been waiting for years to be through with menopause and get on with my life with no tampons or pads or Motrin or cramps or bloating.  Here it was again.  Just when you thought it was over.

The OBGYN got me right in and seemed very concerned that this had happened.  Most women that I know have told me that they've had their period once after that 12 month time when it was supposed to be over forever.  Most women that I know weren't nearly as happy about menopause as I was.  I couldn't have cared less.  I wasn't using my uterus for anything anymore.  Why would I care if it decided to retire?  But, apparently it wasn't retired.

So, I was due for a yearly pap anyway.  I went to the OBGYN to check it out.  I only had to wait a few days, and that gave me time for my period to end.  It did end.  It was a perfectly normal period for me.  I wasn't concerned about it at all.

So, I went to the doctor and I got to see a technician or physician's assistant or whatever.  The one thing that really irritates me about the OBGYN is that she has no time for her patients.  It's been a long time since I've seen the woman. I don't really even remember what she looks like.  She may not even exist for all I know.

Anyway, the technician asked me a bunch of questions and did my pap smear.  She asked me about time spans, symptoms and so forth.  I love describing my period to someone.  It's just not the thing that I like to tell stories about.  When I left after that appointment, it seemed to me that we had reached the end of it.  I was thrilled.  I didn't need any more crap on my plate.

As I was leaving , however, the lady at the desk said that they wanted me to come in for a vaginal ultrasound just to make sure that nothing was going on in there.  I told them that I was about to have a total mastectomy, so they scheduled it ahead a couple of months to give me time to have surgery.  I was grateful that I didn't have to do it right then.  I was getting a lot of anxiety built up.

After the appointment, I went on with my life.  It was less than two weeks until I could schedule my surgery and get on with things.  It was also almost Christmas time.  Lots of stuff was going on when the OBGYN called and said that the pap test looked okay, but not great.  They said that the doctor, whom I couldn't remember what she looked like had said that it was nothing major and that she would look at it again the next year.  That sounded like good news to me.  I wasn't going to worry about something that the doctor thought would wait a year.  Easy peasy there.  Back to worrying about getting Christmas ready and preparing for major surgery.

I'm not going to talk about Christmas in this entry.  I am going to continue on to right after New Years and what happened next with my uterus.

So, I went for my ultrasound for the kidney stones and went to see the Urologist and decided that it could all wait until summer so that I could have my surgery and not have too much going on.  I also had a dentist appointment right after New Year's and I had a cavity starting that wasn't bugging me, so they also decided to wait until summer to bother filling the tooth.  Two things out of the way so that I could concentrate.

Then some nurse over at the OBGYN calls me and tells me that I need to come in and have a biopsy on my uterus.  She didn't really explain why.  She said that I had to have it right away.  At this point, I had scheduled my surgery for January 23rd.  She said that I had to come for the biopsy on January 20th.  I felt bullied by her, but I agreed.

I then became worried.  I didn't want to have more than one kind of cancer.  I couldn't think about anything else.  This made my life difficult.  I'd had enough.  You know when you just reach the end of the rope so to speak?  That time when your mind just can't handle that one more thing?  That was where I was.  Kidney stones, cavity, breast cancer, and now potential uterine cancer.  It was too much.

I couldn't sleep.  I couldn't focus at work.  I couldn't think about anything else.  It was too much.  With the schedule of the events, I wouldn't even find out if I had uterine cancer before I went in to have the mastectomy to solve the breast cancer.  That's an extreme load of stuff.

Finally, a week before everything was to happen, I snapped.  I called the OBGYN and told them that I just couldn't go into surgery while waiting to see if I had more cancer.  I couldn't do it.  My mind wouldn't handle it.  I cancelled the biopsy and moved it a few months down the road.  One potential cancer at a time.  I didn't talk to that nasty nurse that day and of course the doctor wasn't available.  She never is.  I felt a little bit better after that.  It took one thing off my immediate psyche.

Now I know that it has to be one thing at a time.  Three is too many.  The mind has to work.  Don't let any nurse bully you either.  If you can't handle it, take it off the pile until you can.  If your mind explodes, you can't handle anything.  If you can't handle the one more straw, then put it on the back burner.  Save your mind.  You are no good without it.

My family supported me through all of my problems.  They supported me when I said that I couldn't handle that one more thing.  They supported me in every way.  I'm glad that I kept them in the loop and kept them involved.  I would have been lost without them.

Don't let anyone bully you.  Remember, each of the doctors are only covering their specialty.  They want to take care of their part.  They don't take into account all of your parts.  I hate to say it, but they don't care about the other parts.   You need to take care of all the parts.  It's all about you in times like that, and that's all there is to it.  If you have to, tell all of them to go take a hike for a while.  In my case, I looked up all the kinds of cancer that I might be facing on  I found out that lady part cancer moves very slowly, and my doctor hadn't seen any real signs of anything.  I asked the physician's assistant, since I can't ever talk to my doctor, if there was any reason other than my period for the biopsy.  There wasn't.  So, on the back burner it went.

As I continue with my story, you will hear about how I handled everything.  It was more than just DCIS.  There were so many potential things going on that my mind actually went numb at one point.  I handle things pretty well over all.  I know when there's too much.  I know how to prioritize.  I know myself.  That's important.  Make sure that you are self aware.  That's the key to life and definitely the key to handling bad times.  Make sure you have a support group.  I had my whole family and all of my friends.  I also had my boss and coworkers.  It helps.

I hope that this all helps someone.  I'll have more later.

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